I have just had my first experience in expressing anger at someone while I was wearing robes.
On an aside, I will not be talking about specifics and deleting any comments that do.
It is an interesting experience to meditate; the old patterns of post argumentive thinking (between “if they say this when I next see them I will say that” or “I should have come back with…”) filled my mind. You know how deep you are lost when 20 minutes goes by that fast.
I did not find myself trapped in negative thinking, but instead self…critique. Better said, the thought of ‘you are a bad/fake/unworthy monk’ arouse and I saw it and changed it to ‘I am a novice monk. I am a human. A monk is simply a layperson with robes. I am doing my best and can do better’. I did not pick up with invisible whiffle ball bat and beat me up.
There are people who I lock in as me having a story about them and I treat them based on that story instead of being neutral. Everyone who rubs me the wrong way is because of my problematic perception, but because they are in some way bad. And some people do act unskillfully. from a place of being more important or unaware of how they impact others. These people are sometimes simply unaware, other times aware but due to some suffering, it causes them to act out. It does not mean one should tolerate all behavior. But it does mean I should respond in compassion regardless.
This is part of the path for me. To be Dan the event co-producer, presenter, co-director, the getter of shit done, and still be compassionate in making those things happen.